Lost in Translation

outdoor acronyms

WTF is with all the acronyms?

Acronyms, in the most practical sense, are used to abbreviate commonly-known titles. FWP, for example, is a lot easier to say than Fish, Wildlife & Parks. But these days, people are abbreviating everything to the point of bewilderment. In some cases it’s not even efficient. Take LGBTQIA2S+, for instance. Most of the words are shorter than the acronym itself. Explain that one to us.

Here are a few outdoor-oriented acronyms trending around the Bozone lately.

FKT: Traditionally Fastest Known Time, this acronym is changing face and is now commonly referred to as Fattest Kayaker in Town. Apparently body size doesn’t matter as much as we thought. As long as you can hit your roll at House Rock, keep going back for seconds and thirds.

KOA: Kampgrounds of America dot our interstate highways, providing travelers with a quick, accessible camping option. But it takes only one visit to realize KOA actually denotes Kamping on Asphalt.

DEET: Short for diethyl-meta-toluamide, or what is conventionally known as mosquito repellent. But in Bozeman it describes drivers who convert their vehicles into moving soapboxes: Decals Encase Entire Truck.

DOMS: This, in the running world, refers to Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness. But to locals walking Main Street after dark, it applies to Drunk Obnoxious Montana-Staters.

ABD: In hashtag circles this is known as Already Been Done. But with the influx of climbers from Boulder going to school at MSU, ABD in the Gallatin Valley refers to Aromatically Bodacious Dirtbag.

SAR: Until recently, SAR has always been recognized as Search and Rescue. But now it describes Bozeman’s ad hoc dress code: Simms Attire Required.

OHV: Ask anyone outside of the Gallatin Valley what OHV stands for and they’ll answer, Off Highway Vehicle. But here, in Bozeman, it refers to Overbearing Hatch Vigilante. Instead of enjoying the day lofting perfect casts, an OHV spends it tracking insects with the vigilance of a leopard frog while repeatedly muttering, “Must match the hatch.”

AMC: Traditionally recognized as Appalachian Mountain Club. Now, however, AMC symbolizes a grassroots group protesting the new CGNF (there’s another one!) Forest Plan. Against Mechanized Cyclists is a coalition of environmentally-friendly politically-angry anti-fun activists, or EFPAAFA for short.

AMS: Long accepted as short for Acute Mountain Sickness, AMS, in these modern times, now stands for Always Modeling Selfies. Drunk with delusion, AMS people add hours to every hike, ride, or paddle, pausing every few seconds to snap another photo of themselves under the belief that the human race cannot survive if it has to wait longer than four minutes for an updated selfie.