Dream vs. Reality: Outdoor First Dates
Young love on the rocks.
Dating in Bros-man can be difficult. Often, it feels like everyone who sparks your interest is either in a relationship, has a history with a friend or coworker, or is perpetually out of town. And when you do stumble across a seemingly eligible candidate, how do you know if you’re simpatico? Around here, it’s definitely a deal-breaker when it turns out that your budding sugar-boo doesn’t like to get after it the way you do. So, to escape the typical boring dinner date and ensure compatibility from the get-go, we tend to take it outdoors—an uninterrupted chance to get to know each other on a deeper level, and in our natural elements, too. But is this recreation rendezvous all it’s cracked up to be? Lucky for us, two mutual friends recently got back from an outdoor first date of their own. Let’s find out if the dream holds up to the reality.
Dream: “Yo, Jack! How’d the date go, man?”
It was so sick, dude. I couldn’t have drawn it up better on paper. We matched on Hinge and she was totally my type: absolute babe and super outdoorsy. All her pictures were from skiing the Ridge, climbing in Gallatin Canyon, or trail running in the Beartooths. I hit her up and asked if she’d be into an adventure day or something. I didn’t want to say “date” and freak her out or anything, ’cause I didn’t want her to feel trapped, you know? She said that she “could be interested” with a little smiley face emoji, and I knew it was on. I basically let her decide what we should do, and she suggested climbing. It’d been forever since I’d climbed—it’s so boring—but I still had my rack from that one summer I tried to get into it. Anyway, the next morning I smoked a bowl on the way there to come off as cool and calm, but when I met her she just looked so good in her climbing pants and sports bra that I couldn’t even keep eye contact. Eventually we got to the crag, got all harnessed up, and she immediately came over and cleaned up my knot—she was all up in my business, man! I led and set the route for her, not trying to show off or anything. Then it was her turn, and dude, her ass looked insane in that harness. I didn’t want to let on, though, ’cause she definitely wouldn’t have been stoked if I seemed too into her. I thought we were gonna chill for a while afterward or go grab a beer, but I guess she had something come up. She said something about a fish? I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening. Anyways, she’ll probably text me later tonight so we can really get to know each other. I swear dude, outdoor first dates are always such a lock.
Reality: “Emma! How was it? Tell me everything.”
Rachel, I cannot keep doing this. It wasn’t the worst date I’ve been on, but holy shit, it was close. First off, this dude hits me up on Hinge, just asks if I want to go on an “adventure day”—whatever the hell that means. He didn’t even have the balls to call it a real “date,” but he was cute, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But then, he made me make the plans! He never offered a single idea. So I tossed out climbing and we agreed to meet at Frog Rock the next morning. I was there early to make sure all my gear was ready, but I waited for 30 minutes and when he finally got to the trailhead he was so stoned that he couldn’t keep a conversation going. All he wanted to talk about was skiing, plus his eyes were wandering all over me! Eventually we made it to the crag, but then he just kept screwing with his harness and complaining about how bad his shoes hurt. He said he would lead, but he could barely get off the ground, and that’s when I noticed his figure eight was tied wrong. I retied it for him, and tried to give him some advice, but when I told him to grab the jug he just cackled and said, “that’s for later.” That's when I knew I should’ve swiped left. It was only a 5.7 single-pitch, but it still took him nearly 45 minutes. We swapped, and I was sure he was going to drop me, not to mention he was staring at my ass. I’d hoped to get a couple more routes in, but one was enough and I told him I had to get home to feed my fish. I don’t even have a fish! This is the fourth shitty outdoor date I’ve had this month. Why can’t one of these guys just ask me out to dinner for a change?
