Jackass Citation

Calling 'em like you seem 'em.

Montana has a special charm, and not just because it’s one of the most beautiful places on Earth. Generally speaking, Montanans are kind and considerate—something that’s increasingly rare in today’s social climate. Folks around here look out for their neighbors and tend to possess the self-awareness necessary to not overstep or infringe on each other’s ability to reasonably enjoy themselves. But every so often, someone comes along who doesn’t seem to understand, or just doesn’t care to follow, our particular social norms—those time-honored traditions that have safeguarded a careful balance of shared use and impact on those around us.

We’re not talking about people showing up at your favorite fishing hole (unless they high-holed you, of course). Nope, we’re talking about those inconsiderate a-holes who blast music or leave dog-poop baggies on the trail, take up multiple parking spots at busy trailheads, and dust you out on dirt roads, among other signs of staggering self-absorption. Actions like these demonstrate a level of rudeness and blatant disregard for others’ experiences in shared spaces that we just can’t abide.

But every so often, someone comes along who doesn’t seem to understand, or just doesn’t care to follow, our particular social norms—those time-honored traditions that have safeguarded a careful balance of shared use and impact on those around us.

In search of the right response for these infuriating instances—something between a passive-aggressive stare and slashing their tires—we came up with the Jackass Citation: a customizable, catch-all admonishment for all the arrogant imbeciles you may be unlucky enough to run into. Other transgressions include, but are not limited to: littering; not quenching campfires; being boisterous in tranquil backcountry spots; not digging a cathole and/or leaving toilet paper in the woods; not honoring hoot-owl restrictions, and letting their untrained, overpriced mutts steal your food or jump on you.

While some of these violations may warrant more “legitimate” ramifications, an impromptu citation will at least (hopefully) make ’em realize their wrongdoings and possibly prevent future infractions. If nothing else, it’s just plain old cathartic to call out their BS.

If nothing else, it’s just plain old cathartic to call out their BS.

Feel free to leave the citation on a windshield—or better yet, just walk up and hand it to the perpetrator. Just remember that the rebuke should fit the crime. Use discretion, circle the appropriate epithet and punishment—and don’t overdo it, lest you become the jackass.

Good citing, good citizens of the Bozone!

For additional copies, email [email protected], stop by the O/B office on Mendenhall, or pick up another Blue Light.