Grow a pair.
You know, there are a lot of ways to let people know you’re a man’s man. You can drive a truck with the same carbon footprint as Uzbekistan. You can wear t-shirts without sleeves, so your armpit hair sticks out a little bit. You can grow a big burly beard and keep stuff in there, like leftover mozzarella sticks or small varmints. You can even wear a 14-inch hunting knife on your belt, and finger it in public places just to freak folks out. People know you’re a man if you’ve got critters in yer’ beard and a blade on yer’ belt. But the best way to let complete strangers know about your superior man-ness is with a swingin’ pair of Truck Nutz.
Truck Nutz are an absolute necessity for any true man. They do what you can’t legally do yourself: show the world your junk. They let everyone behind you in traffic know how well endowed, masculine, and tough you are, in a single glance at that sweet swinging sack.
Especially if you have the aforementioned truck. Most guys think slapping a rifle in the back window of their rig is enough to let people know they are following The Man. Sorry, not these days.
Because all real men have the biggest truck available, people behind can’t even see the rifle anymore. Imagine sitting behind your double-cab, diesel-powered, mud-tired, dually runnin’, lifted, linked, chipped, and fully accessorized Copenhagen Edition pickup complete with elk-slayer bumpers, chrome-lady mud flaps, and a sticker of Calvin urinating on some other brand of truck. Now imagine trying to see a rifle from that far away. It would be hard even without your illegally tinted windows. But you need all of those features for when you tow your lawn tractor around town.
Truck Nutz solves the conflict between form and function simply, easily, and with a touch of class. Now you can alert people to your brand of manliness with the universal symbol for tough: a scrotum full of balls. And you can even color-match your Nutz to you rig, so you don’t look like a total redneck.
Speaking from experience, I recommend Truck Nutz completely. I have gotten many compliments on my Nutz, and some people have even come up and felt my Nutz out of curiosity. I’m a real man with rubber Nutz, and now everyone knows it.
So listen up, Men of Montana. Trust me on this one. If you don’t have any of your own, buy a pair of Nutz today!