Runner's Digest

A new all-natural metabolic aid.

With shelf-upon-shelf of nutritional health supplements to choose from, it can be difficult to know which is right for you. But what if there was an all-natural, sustainably harvested, organic, vegan probiotic rich with macronutrients, antioxidants, and customizable base ingredients, that was made right here in Montana? Well, now there is: Cattelmann’s Ultra Diet (C.U.D.).

This is a revolutionary approach to digestive science, using the ultimate natural and renewable resources, and the symbiotic relationship between Montanans and their environment. Users have reported remarkable benefits, including weight loss, improved digestion, enhanced immune function, healthier skin, lowered blood pressure, increased brain function, better looks, reduced incidence of scurvy, and increased sexual appetite—all of which Bozeman-area outdoor enthusiasts consider vitally important.

So, what is C.U.D.? It began with avid runner Dr. Dottie Cattelmann, a graduate from Montana State University. “Other nutritional-supplement research starts with basic assumptions about human biology,” she explains. “I’m not a medical doctor—I’m a rancher, my degree is in agricultural management—so I didn’t have those kinds of narrow constraints. I don’t need to know how human bodies have worked in the past—supplements are about making human bodies work better in the future.”  

After a particularly bad bout with constipation and upset stomach, which led her to drop out of a local 10k race, Cattelmann had a groundbreaking thought: what if human digestion isn’t the answer? On a whim, she snatched a lipper of cud from a member of her bovine herd, popped it in her mouth, and experienced a breakthrough—one she’s sharing with the world.

Cud is the product of a first stage of digestion in a class of animal known as ruminants, which includes cows, bison, deer, and elk. As these animals chew and swallow vegetation, it travels to the first of four stomach chambers, the rumen, where it is softened and partially digested. The rumen muscles send the food back to the mouth, where it is re-chewed and re-swallowed for additional processing. That’s as far as we need to go, because C.U.D. is simply that: cud. 

It may sound gross, and it is. But it’s far less disgusting than some other extremes to which people go for health, vanity, pleasure, and faster Strava times. Electroshock therapy, Botox injections, compression socks, and hot dogs serve as examples. Cows used to produce C.U.D. are free-range Montana cattle, and fed only organic, vegan forage high in fiber, amino acids, and vitamins A, B6, C, and K. This ensures the cud they produce is of the highest quality, and by tweaking the feed, producers can target specific supplement outcomes.  

C.U.D. is a renewable resource (only a small percentage of cud is harvested, and Cattelmann’s cows get plenty to eat), and all it takes to harvest cud is a gentle tickle and a feed bag; cows are extremely ticklish, and will promptly spit out whatever they have in their mouths. Once harvested, the raw cud is finely strained to remove solids, then bottled and refrigerated. C.U.D. is sold by the ounce, and can be enjoyed as a shot, added to smoothies and yogurt, or included in an emerging abundance of C.U.D. recipes, including delightful options like cud quiche, cud burritos, and cud eggs benedict.

So does it work? Dietary supplements have virtually zero oversight by the FDA, so there’s literally no evidence of efficacy; but anecdotally, yes. Local grocery stores have reported a decrease in toilet-paper sales, indicating fewer mad dashes to the woods by diarrhetic trail runners. In one study, participants suffering from constipation, gas, and digestive discomfort were given either C.U.D or placebo. 100% of participants given C.U.D. reported more regular, and much, much, much softer bowel movements. “I was finally as regular as a dairy cow!” one reported. Another reported decreased stress, and attributed it to C.U.D: “Have you ever seen a stressed-out cow?” 

C.U.D. is available at health & fitness stores that sell products with similar scientific basis, like essential oils, Shake Weights, testosterone therapy, or turmeric-related anything.

To find a natural foods store that sells C.U.D near you, visit chewyourCUD.com.