It’s hard to admit, but we’ve all committed them—outdoor sins. You’ve discovered a muddy trail and biked it anyway, borrowed your buddy’s gear and neglected to own up to the subsequent thrashing, stepped on the rope wearing crampons… the list goes on. Clearly some are more serious than others, but every infraction must be atoned for. If some of these transgressions hit a little close to home, make sure to remunerate appropriately: self-flagellation, donations to a local conservation group, or offerings of beer and pizza to the O/B office.
- While my friend was out of town, I borrowed his skis and nailed a rock, resulting in a core shot. I put them back and didn’t tell him.
- I drank too much and missed out on an epic powder day due to a life-threatening hangover. I told my friends I had the flu.
- I rode ahead of my friend on a powder day to take a picture of him… and totally poached his line.
- I crop-dusted the tram at Big Sky. Twice. Damn chili!
- I ate it on a groomer, but nobody saw it so I pretended I was just tightening my buckles.
- The batteries in my transceiver were dead so I “borrowed” the ones from my roommate’s. When he went skiing the next day, he couldn’t hike the Ridge.
- I secretly love the feeling of a ski boundary rope going over my back and having to watch for the man.
- I got my F-250 stuck in the snow and failed to have a shovel or tow strap. Got pulled out by a Subaru.
- I took a friend to a secret spot 15 minutes from town, without permission from the friend who showed it to me.
- I missed an easy shot at an elk and pretended my scope was off. Even went to the range the next day and told my friends I “fixed” it.
- I told everyone I was going fly fishing, but secretly brought along a spinning rod and caught a half-dozen trout on worms.
- I climbed up out of the high-water mark and snuck upstream through the woods. I peed on the rancher’s No Trespassing sign.
- I let my buddy drive to the trailhead, share the food he brought for lunch (I forgot), AND spring for beers at the end of the day.
- My dog shit right in the middle of the trail. I was too lazy to even kick it aside.
- I tried on a pair of hiking boots at a local store and then went home and bought them online, just to save $10.
- Bombing down Sourdough, I came around a corner too fast and scared two old women, who jumped into the shrubs trying to get out of my way.
- I’m a guy, but I wear Spandex anyway… and it makes me feel sexy.
Have an outdoor sin of your own and can’t sleep at night? Email [email protected] and repent. Just remember to be honest—like boobs, real ones are usually better than fake ones.