Ski Schooled

O/B's downhill dos and don'ts. 

Ski areas have their own rules, and while we won’t publicly advocate breaking specific ones, there are always shades of grey. Some rules are sacred, though, and we all know a few jerks who routinely break them. What follows are those that must not be broken, lest ye be branded a BBS (Bridger Bowl Snowhole) and find yourself stuffed face-first into a snowbank.

Don’t
Use the carpool lot without a sufficient number of passengers
Do
Carpool—traffic in the canyon is brutal, people, and there are even free busses on weekends 

Don’t
Hover out of line waiting for a single spot, especially at the Slushman’s lift
Do
Announce that you’re a single—with the duct-taped jacket, people kind of assumed anyway 

Don’t
Labor up the Ridge-hike bootpack, coughing like a smoker and swearing like a sailor
Do
Pull over when faster hikers are behind you—no shame, we’ve all been there 

Don’t
Stop in a blind spot, as if no one else is on the mountain—it’s Bridger, not the YC
Do
Find an out-of-the-way spot to chill, take your “medicine,” and wait for friends 

Don’t
Plug in both earbuds and crank to an ear-splitting volume
Do
Use all five senses to remain aware of your surroundings and avoid conflicts with other skiers 

Don’t
Spend more time taking selfies than actually skiing
Do
Notice the amazing natural beauty surrounding you, and if so inclined, get a photo or two with friends 

Don’t
Bootpack up the skin track at Bradley’s
Do
Make your own trail to the side of the track if you can’t afford a skinning setup 

Don’t
Wear your beacon to the bar—No One Cares That You Hike the Ridge
Do
Hike the Ridge, always remembering that back in the day, powder stashes were a secret, and they should stay that way 

Don’t
Sport top-of-the-line gear and apparel until you can actually ski worth a damn
Do
Purchase gear and apparel from our advertisers, of course; just shop judiciously

For more self-righteousness grandstanding, visit outsidebozeman.com/humor.