Pillory: Acoustic Invaders
Calling out trailside music-blasters.
Bozeman is a great place to live. With mountains to climb, trout to catch, and wilderness to explore, there’s a reason so many people are moving here. Even on the bad days, when work sucks and the weather’s crap, nothing can dampen the sheer, unadulterated joy of blowin’ outta town, setting off up a trail, and breathing in the fresh alpine air—except, of course, for those air-headed, self-centered, jackass music-blasters.
You know the drill: you’re on a long hike, deep in the forest, lost in birdsong and wind melody, only to be interrupted by the obnoxious clamor of some ass-hat blaring music at the volume of an ambulance siren.
WTF, dude? You want to immerse yourself in music, with headphones on—fine. You forgot your earbuds, so you place your phone to your ear at low volume—party on, Garth. But to involuntarily commit others to your trailside Katy Perry concert? You’re asking to have your phone and speakers snatched from your pack and hucked off a cliff. You see, unlike you, most of us go outside to get away from the world—to seek solitude, quietude, and tranquility in nature. Isn’t that freakin’ obvious? Or are you so stoned that you think everyone else wants to hear “Wonderwall” for the ten-thousandth time, too?
Why are you playing music on the trail, anyway? Is nature—teeming, as it is, with beautiful wild creatures, mesmerizing sights, and wonderful scents and sounds—become so boring that you need external digitized stimuli streaming in to help you pass the time? If so, we’re sorry—maybe you should sell your Sprinter, head back to Miami, and crank your music on the beach. In the meantime, keep your Cardi B to yourself. Otherwise, you’ll earn yourself a first-class ticket to the front of the stage, where we’ll strap speakers to your head and blast Duran Duran until your ears bleed. To the pillory!