How to Catch a Pig

Four people. One pig. A ring. A barrel.

It sounds like the prelude to a hell of a barbecue, but really it's the typical stage for a good pig-wrestling match, where the goal is to wrestle a 70ish-pound porker into a barrel butt-first within 30 seconds. The Park County Fair is a great place to watch the action every year. As an accomplished pig wrestler, I have a few tips for you if you're thinking about getting your own team together this summer.

Before the Event
•Round up friends who don't mind rolling in some mud and grabbing some pig.
•Go to the thrift store and pick out the most heinous clothes you can find. These outfits should preferably have long sleeves and pants, because rolling around in sandy, pig-pee-infested mud is not exactly great for your skin. We learned this the hard way.
•Come up with a ridiculous team name and dance. You will have to stand in front of people before the event to entice the crowd to bid on your team to win.

The Night of the Event
•Drink many adult beverages.
•Talk smack to your buddies about how you'll take that piggy down.
•Mentally prepare to deal with some major squealing and fussing.

•Everyone jumps into ring. Closest person heads off the piggy.
•Whoever heads off the piggy should drop to his knees and come face-to-face with it. Ideally, this person grabs the front legs. This is not as easy as it looks.
•The rest of the team then needs to take down the piggy at the back, ideally grabbing its rear legs and attempting to drag it to the barrel. Another option is to roll the pig on its back. Each team member grabs a leg and drags. Expect the piggy to fight, fuss, kick, and scream.
•Dragging the barrel to the pig is also an option.
•Folks with the hind end drag the pig into barrel, the folks in the front push and block the pig from escaping.
•Once the pig is in the barrel, lift up the barrel.
•Lift your hands in the air, then laugh, dance, and celebrate.
•One teammate tackles the other three and they all roll in the mud for added pleasure.
•Get sprayed down by the Livingston fire department.

Diana Proemm is the 2008 Livingston Fair co-ed champion. She’s on the "Wranglers of Passion" pig-wrestling team.