Love in the Fast Lane

Triathlon speed-dating burns through Bozeman.

There’s a lot of opportunity here in Bozeman. And with plenty of activities to fill your calendar all summer long, it can feel pretty fruitless to waste time on first-date after first-date at one of the 42 coffee shops or 25 breweries in town, when you could be out running, biking, or swimming. Plus, as soon as you think you’ve found a suitable boyfriend who cares about you nearly as much as his other pursuits, he runs off with a one-way ticket to climb in South America.

That’s exactly the trend Matt Schmeyker picked up on when he started the Bozeman Speed Dating Triathlon Circuit last year. “All those iced dirty Chais and eight-dollar IPAs really started to add up and break the bank,” notes Schmeyker. “I knew there had to be a better option.”

Tri-Outs are highly effective because they work like a compatibility test. Instead of swiping left or right based on a superficial profile, you can see everything you need to know firsthand.

But aside from dating apps, he couldn’t find much. So he came up with something new, and his brainchild race is making matches faster than folks can run away from their commitment issues. In a stroke of genius, he named the races Tri-Outs. Every stage allows competitors to evaluate one another for suitable mates—er, partners. The idea is simple: swim, bike, and run with three different partners, so it’s essentially three speed-dates in one race.

According to Schmeyker, Tri-Outs are highly effective because they work like a compatibility test. Instead of swiping left or right based on a superficial profile, you can see everything you need to know firsthand. Does she want to take things slow and easy, or burn out fast? How does he operate under pressure and time constraints? Does she come across as desperate when she arrives with a tandem bike? Is a guy with heart-rate monitor tan lines on his wrist and chest capable of laughter? Lastly, how does your partner look in a swimsuit? But at the end of the day, competitors just put their best feet forward and take things one step at a time.

If anyone can attest to the effectiveness of the race, it’s Al Wayzingel. “It was a little hard to chit-chat during the swim section, but I really hit it off with this gal between strokes,” he says. “By the end of the leg, we were communicating with underwater hand signals. Later that night, she and I were exchanging coy glances over candlelight while trying to find the perfect wine pairing with Clif Bars. Our chemistry was undeniable. I was convinced she was the one. Unfortunately for Wayzingel, though, a friend called shortly after with plane tickets and plans to raft the Zambezi River in Africa; he took off for the next three months, and that unspoken subsurface chemistry dried up.

To up the ante beyond romantic connection, the races pay out with decent prizes, as well. Last year, a local adult store put together a package—his and her edible bike shorts—for the couple that finished first (the race, that is) to help spice things up in the bedroom. Schmeyker, who conveniently is also Bozone Racing Company’s largest investor, says, “If all goes well, we’ll have the next generation of super runners out on the trails in only a few years’ time, and we are already getting ahead of it here on the sales floor at the shop. Any kid born from a Tri-Out match will get ten percent off shoe purchases for life and a two-year supply of Gerber’s baby-formula energy gels. Our team even designed the first toddler trail-running shoe—the Sole Mate—so you can start ’em younger than ever before.”

To up the ante beyond romantic connection, the races pay out with decent prizes, as well.

While Schmeyker planned to host three Tri-Outs this summer, he had to slash two from the calendar after being invited to Mongolia to work as a boom operator on Ken Burns’ new yak documentary. While he has a girlfriend now, he’ll likely be single by the time he returns, and will be ready to dedicate all of his energy to the next race.

To accommodate a larger demographic, Schmeyker has talked of establishing a Platonic division for Tri-Outs, as a large contingent of people are expected to enter just to make new friends. “All my friends left town to go mountain biking in British Columbia for a month,” says competitor Leif Talone. “So I’m really just craving the social interaction. If it turns into something more, all the better. I just hope we have time to really get momentum on something before I start my guide season in Patagonia.”

Regardless of whether dating and triathlon racing are a match made in heaven, or just the latest scheme to promote shoe sales, it looks like Tri-Outs are here to stay. So this summer, bust out your bike, shoes, and swimsuit, and get in on the action. Just maybe you’ll meet that special someone you’d be comfortable asking to water your houseplants while you’re out of town until next ski season.

To sign up for a Tri-Out, or to see a photo gallery of Schmeyker’s trip to Alaska, visit bozemanspeeddating.com.