Here's Johnny

Q&A with the gear guru. 

After a several-year hiatus, #overlanding across the Mongolian steppe, Johnny Bozeman is back, ready to answer your most pressing gear-related queries. Bozeman’s unbridled growth and demographics shift has thrown him for a bit of a loop, so bear with us while he gets his bearings. —THE EDITORS 

Q. To snowshoe or not to snowshoe, that’s the question, Mr. Bozeman. What say you?
A. I say snowshoes are what you make of them, Hamlet. Please, please, please don’t strap them on, break out the trekking poles, and make for Peets Hill. You could wear fleece-lined Crocs up there most days in winter, the snow’s so packed down. Which reminds me—don’t wear socks and sandals. Ever. Or socks and Crocs, which are basically rubber sandals. However, if you plan on traipsing around off-trail and the snow’s not too deep, snowshoes are a good way to avoid post-holing. If there’s a whole lot of fresh powder, though, go with skis. 

Q. Heyo JB, what’s the dealio with phatbikes? Should I really spend an icy-cool grand to freeze my nuts off all winter?
A. It’s spelled fatbikes—lay off the edibles for at least a day, son. And the “dealio” is, they’re excellent at what they do for about five months of the year. Other than that, they’re kinda like riding a grocery cart with a bum wheel. My advice: get a cheap or used one if you plan on pedaling town trails in winter or commuting while there’s ice and snow on the ground. 

Q. Johnny Bozeman, when I’m getting started at barre, should I wear yoga pants or ballet tights? Please advise.
A. WTF is “barre?” Is that French for “saloon?” And why are they selling dance clothes at Bozeman Angler? Also, in what language does Lululemon mean Bozeman Angler? I went in there for some streamers a few days ago and some over-caffeinated sales clerk tried to sell me a sports bra that “wicks really well during Bikram.” I asked her if I could hang myself with it. Anyhow, I’d say jeans and a t-shirt are fine for most bars around here, although you might want a flannel for that fancy-pants outfit Open Range. 

If you have questions for Johnny Bozeman, please send them to [email protected].