The temperatures have dropped and the nights have taken over the days. Suddenly we’re inspired to find someone with whom to snuggle and drink a hot cocoa, and maybe even, but only in the most romantic of situations, share a double-chair as we head up the mountain. Ahh, romance in Bozeman.
But where to begin? How can you find that special someone? Looking around the Haufbrau as some off-key cover band croons in the background, you can’t help but wonder if The One is hidden out there in the smoke somewhere. Fortunately, he or she probably is.
With so many people flooding the bars, mountains, and streets of Bozeman, it should be relatively easy to find a mate this winter. To help in the process, Outside Bozeman has put together a run-down of romantic potentials in our fair city and how to make ‘em yours. Good luck!
Word of Warning: The odds may be good, but the goods are odd.
How to spot him: The full-bodied combination of B.O. and patchouli oil will reach you long before he does.
Where to find him: On your couch. Yep, he’s still there.
Best pickup line: “Do you want to buy a glass pipe my friend blew in Oregon?
Johnny Bozeman / Dirtbag
How to spot him: A fleece tuxedo, shaggy beard, still sporting his ski boots and avalanche transceiver at the bar at 10pm.
Where to find him: He’s everywhere.
Best pickup line: “Want to go to the new ski flick? You can put your PBR in my purse.
YBP (Young Bozeman Professional)
How to spot him: He has the nicest gear and also the shiniest, because it’s clearly never been used.
Where to find him: At his job (he actually has one—and only one).
Best pickup line: “Wow you have a really big car. Do you want to give my girlfriends and me a ride to the Scoop for dollar beers?
The Bozone Cowboy
How to spot him: Wearing Wranglers with a Copenhagen imprint in the back pocket, calling you “Darlin’.”
Where to find him: At Mixers on Wild West Wednesdays, or at Murdoch’s looking at stock tanks.
Best pickup line: “Can I bum a chew?”
How to spot him: Look up. His jacked-up F-350 turbo diesel sits higher than most billboards.
Where to find him: Fishin’ or huntin’. On off-days, at Hastings looking at the pictures in huntin’ and fishin’ magazines.
Best pickup line: “Get yer elk?”
Word of Warning: You don’t lose your girlfriend, you lose your turn.
The Sensitive Artist
How to spot her: She’s reading books you’ve never heard of and making art you’ll never understand—usually while wearing too much purple and lots of scarves.
Where to find her: Wandering, but not lost.
Best pickup line: “Do you ever feel misunderstood here in Bozeman?”
How to spot her: Shiny new Land Cruiser with out-of-state plates.
Where to find her: Living it up in restaurants or bars you probably can’t afford.
Best pickup line: “Can I move in?”
How to spot her: Yoga mat tucked under arm.
Where to find her: At yoga studio, en route to yoga studio, or at coffee shop discussing mind-body connections with frail-looking men.
Best pickup line: “Do you have to be standing for that pose?”
How to spot her: Wearing stretch pants and carrying a lot of stuff.
Where to find her: Pushing the baby jogger through downtown.
Best pickup line: “Wanna hit the Dinosaur Park this afternoon?”
How her spot her: Skiing, biking, climbing… better than you.
Where to find her: In places you can’t get to.
Best pickup line: Don’t bother; she’s taken.