Whoa, Bro

Are you a Bozeman d-bag?

Lingo can be a good thing. It can be a fun part of any culture, and a time-saving linguistic device. But it can also be super, super douchey. Here’s a smattering of Bozeman slang to avoid at all costs—unless you’re playing in the douchebag Olympics. Review the inane idioms below and add up your points.

Pulling Down: Climbing
Example: “Wanna hit Spire and pull down tonight?”
5 points

Conrad/Connie: Conrad Anker (local climber, quasi-celebrity, do-gooder, and all-around nice guy)
Example: “I was pulling down at Practice and saw Connie killin’ it on Cardiac Arête. He gave me beta on the crux of Theoretically—I totally sent it!”
3 Points

Ill/Sick: An expression used to denote a quality experience
Example: “Dude, Big Timber Creek is so ill right now—I was throwing Brown Claws every chance I got, it was sick!”
5 points

Brown Claw: A hand gesture (which ironically represents holding a bag of fresh “brown” or human feces) recognized in kayaking circles as a symbol of stoke
Example: See above
10 points

The White Stuff: Snow
Example: “I can’t wait to shred the white stuff tomorrow. Saddle’s gonna be sick! Pow-pow gnar-gnar, bitches!”
5 points

Pow-Pow/Gnar-Gnar: Snow
Example: See above
10 points 

‘Za: Pizza
Example: “I’m famished, Bro… wanna grab some ‘za at Tarantino’s?”
3 points

The ‘Stone: Yellowstone River
Example: “Let’s float the ‘Stone, then chow some ‘za at the Murray.”
5 points

Ripping Lip: Catching fish
Example: “Brody and me were rippin’ lip like crazy on the ‘Stone. It was so sick!”
10 points

Bozeman Blight: A section of town in northeast Bozeman that, despite home prices rising above $300,000 for tiny, rundown fixer-uppers, retains a hipster reputation for “authenticity,” and encourages chicken coops in un-zoned alleys
Example: “We totally scored a sick house in the Blight for only $315,000; like, 850 square feet with room for a compost bin out back.”
5 points

1-10 Points: You are susceptible to the douche virus, but preventive treatment can still save you. Call your doctor or talk to a Filling Station bartender.
11-20 Points: You’re getting douchey. Stay inside and try not to speak.
21-30 Points: You’re a raging douchebag and should be quarantined immediately.
More than 30 Points: You have a terminal case of douchitits. Sorry. Stay away from other humans, lest you spread your venal plague.