Pillory: Boat-Ramp Bozos

Don't be that guy. 

When the ice melts and the rivers open up after a long winter, everyone’s itching to get on the water. First, it’s anglers and recreational floaters; then, once runoff ramps up, it’s whitewater rafters and paddlers. But they all have one thing in common: they use access points and boat ramps to start their day on the water. And they all want to get underway as quickly and smoothly as possible.

Except for the boat-ramp bastards, that is, who block other vehicles, take their sweet time unlashing their boats, loiter and laugh with their companions, and otherwise dawdle and lollygag while a train of would-be floaters waits for precious space at the put-in. Instead of prepping off to the side and then quickly unloading during their turn on the ramp, they dick around, mess with their gear, rig up their rods, put on sunscreen, and elsewise demonstrate an utter disregard for the time and interests of others.

Oblivious neophyte, unmannered out-of-stater, entitled fishing guide, solipsistic trust-funder, insensible stoner… whatever the variety of toolbag, the outcome is the same: they make life less enjoyable for everyone else. Which is why it’s time to stuff these shitheads in the pillory, for a well-deserved castigation. Mock, jeer, and pour beer on their heads; shoot Gink into their ears and stuff river moss in their mouths. If you can give ‘em an ice-cold dunking before and after, all the better. Just make the message clear: putz around and pay the price!