Top Ten Things to Do While the Men are Hunting

It’s fall, which brings to mind colorful autumn leaves swirling to the ground, spiced apple cider, and kids in costumes worn under thick down jackets. But for some of us, fall means the men are off hunting, while we (wives, girlfriends, partners) are left at home tending to the children, the home fires, and occasionally a nosey in-law.

It was once thought that Paleolithic people neatly divided the chores—men hunt, women gather. Lately that theory has been revisited. A recent study found that "female humans have been the chief engine in the unprecedentedly high level of human sociability. (They) were the inventors of the most useful tools. (They) shared equally in the provision of food for human societies. (They) almost certainly drove the human invention of language. And (they) were the ones who created agriculture." And they raised the kids.

So while your man is off clubbing bunnies and getting drunk, here are a few things to keep the lady-folk occupied and perhaps, evolve the species a step or two.

1.Plant a cutesy deer lawn ornament in front of the house with a sign that says "Have you seen my daddy?"

2. Cruise seedy bars to flirt with the metrosexual out-of-towners who don’t hunt.

3. Buy as much disinfectant as possible to prepare for the reek that will accompany your man when he returns home.

4. Fill the freezer with wild game from the butcher—“just in case.”

5. Make a reservation at the kennel for your dog. A carcass in the basement and a dog in the house just don’t mix.

6. If your man is a bow hunter, pack a few extra suction cups for his arrows.

7. Rearrange everything in the house. When your man claims he can’t find anything, patiently explain that this is the way the house has always been.

8. Found a cult and name yourself head prophet. Relegate all housework and diaper changing to the men of your group.

9. Head to Costa Rica for a surf vacation with your girlfriends—hell, you deserve a little vacay, too.

10. Grab a rifle and take aim on a women-only hunting expedition.