R.I.P. Fido

Bozeman dog mortality.

Like car crashes and cardiovascular disease for humans, pets have their own unique mortality statistics. While no actual data has been compiled, our field research shows the leading causes of death for various dogs are as follows: 

Yorkie: Mistaken for a prairie dog and rendered “red mist” by a rancher’s .30-06.
Husky: Avalanche, after hucking a 30-foot cornice and running down a cliff trying to keep up with its snowboarding owner.
Cowdog: Falls out of the bed of a severely lifted pickup. Or, stampeded by Turner’s buffalo, who don’t appreciate being herded.
Weiner Dog: Accidentally boiled in beer and grilled over charcoal at a Cat/Griz tailgate party.
English Bulldog: Drinks self to death on keg beer at a college party.
Pit Bull: Shot by the Belgrade police, who assume its home is a meth lab.
Irish Wolfhound: Mistaken for a mangy mule deer and taken down by Yellowstone wolves. Ironic, huh?
Greyhound: Heart attack while trying to race an antelope in the Shields Valley.
Miniature Anything: Used as a training dummy for bird dogs (i.e., real dogs).