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Skiing, bozeman, montana, skis, humor

What your skis say about you.

Head to Bridger any day of the week and you’ll find the full gamut of skier types. Kids zig-zagging along, macho-bros hucking huge cliffs, silver foxes in spandex, a guy tucking into the woods to toke a bowl—it’s a place where community gathers. We love skiing here, and we love to see everyone get jazzed up for a day on the slopes. So last season, we went out and studied the trends between ski of choice and skier behavior. Here’s what we found.

Generic All-Mountain Skis
Has nothing to prove, and has more fun
May be either best or worst skier on mountain
Tailgate Hall of Fame inductee

Fat Powder Skis
Been to every ski-film premiere in Bozeman
GoPro permanently affixed to helmet
Better than sex? Couldn’t tell ya

Twin Tips
Owns more beanies than underwear
Best skier in friend group
Goggles under helmet, XXXL t-shirt

Racing Skis
Works from home
Drives an Audi
Favorite meal is fondue

Knees of steel—literally
Skis all day regardless of conditions
Keep away from your spouse

Has best weed brownies in town
Hasn’t shaved in 14 years
Knows how to score at garage sales

Neon Skis from the ’80s
Sporting either goat-beard or mullet
Spread-eagles while moderately intoxicated
Needs ride home from ski-patrol clinic

Skimo Setup
Loves the smell of spandex in the morning
Unironically wears speed-shades around town
Is more of a climber than skier

Rental Gear
Undisputed master of the Texas Tuck
Gets car stuck in the snow once a week
Lacking trust fund, must work for a living

“Totally crushed” the GED
Can hop a quarter-mile on one foot
Emulated by skiers for over three decades