Bozeman vs. Salt Lake

It's time again to take a swing at other cities and see who comes out on top. This issue, we're picking on the tiny little Utah town of Salt Lake City. With a metro area that is home to about 1.8 million people, Salt Lake is more than just mountains and Mormons. There are national parks in just about every direction, the median age (27.9) is the lowest in the U.S. while the life expectancy (78.7) is the third highest, and we gotta admit that the Mexican food is pretty damn good. But can it tempt us away from Bozeman? Let's compare.

ADDRESS SYSTEM: With an overly complicated city layout that turns addresses into coordinates, where one hundred "units" equal an eighth of a mile, there's no way you can find your way home when you're drunk in Salt Lake City. Which is probably another reason it's harder to get a drink there anyway.
Winner: BOZEMAN

WINTER ACTIVITIES: If anything could make a Montanan give up his rugged individuality and go Mormon, it would be the powder-laden paradise known as the Wasatch Mountains. Not a skier? Salt Lake has the upper hand with obscure snow-and-ice activities as well. Take, for example, the luge. Thanks to the 2002 Winter Olympics, they have a $59 million "winter sports park"; we have Peet's Hill.
Winner: SALT LAKE

LAKE QUALITY: This is a no-brainer. Anyone who's been to Salt Lake knows that the town's namesake water body is stinky, polluted, and... salty. So what if you can see it from space? We'd rather have something clean, attractive, and fishable.
Winner: BOZEMAN

ILL-FATED PIONEER STORIES: Don't get us wrong, the Corps of Discovery had it pretty tough. Snow, bears, run-ins with Native Americans, no OnStar service, and having to give birth to a Frenchman's baby in the middle of nowhere all can be a bummer. But Salt Lake has the Donner party, and it's hard to top cannibalism.
Winner: TIE

FOUNDER'S CELEBRITY STATUS: Regarded as a prophet by millions around the world, Salt Lake's Brigham Young does have a bigger "brand" than our beloved John Bozeman. Thankfully, we're not ones for celebrity worship, but by empirical standards, Salt Lake wins the "famous founder" contest.
Winner: SALT LAKE

CINEMATIC LANDSCAPE QUALITY: Salt Lake may have the Sundance Film Festival, but nobody seems to ever want to make a movie there.
Winner: BOZEMAN

FINAL TALLY: Bozeman 3, Salt Lake 2. Looks Salt Lake has been peppered.