Pet Project
A new animal-rescue service in downtown Bozeman.
We all know the story: a Yellowstone tourist spots a baby bison on the side of the road and decides that, thanks to an affinity for Planet Earth, he’s categorically qualified to determine that it’s been abandoned. He then lifts the confused calf into his Suburban and speeds to the nearest visitor center, looking like a DoorDash driver for the Lamar Valley wolf pack. Invariably, the Park Service dispatches the animal, creating shock and sadness all around.
But not anymore. In early September, Outside Bozeman announced plans to convert highly-coveted yard and office space into a wildlife sanctuary and petting zoo for relocated, imprinted, and problem animals.
If necessary, the crew will apply to FWP for special permits for a two-minute goat-hunting season to keep the rooftop population in check.
On a recent sunny day, project manager Trey Huggher stood outside the building on West Mendenhall, overseeing construction of a full-perimeter electric fence and three makeshift grizzly dens. “We got sick of watchin’ all them helpless animals being offed by the Park Service and blamin’ it on the tourists,” says Huggher. “These people are dumb, no doubt, but they’s just tryin’ to help.”
Bison will live in the front yard, elk in the back, and wolves in the sales room. “We’re hoping to learn a thing or two from the wolves,” says sales manager Will Endeel. “Just last week, over lunch, I sold a full-page ad by scent-rolling a marketing manager’s bison burger. Caused a bit of a scene at Ted’s, but it got me the sale.” In that same encounter, junior account manager Ty Girkub bit the man’s Achilles heel. “I didn’t even have to think about it,” says Girkub with a grin. “Watching Alpha—I mean, Will—arched over the table, rocking side-to-side while pressing his back into the guy’s meal, I just felt a sudden urge. We ended up tacking on a digital ad, too.”
Visiting the petting zoo is free of charge, but for a small fee one can also nudge a hibernating grizzly with a really long stick.
The sheep, lambs, and goats will have a special spot on the roof. The team spent a week building out a series of wood-and-brick cliffs, to make the animals feel at home. The end result is akin to a Black Bull subdivision for small-hoofed animals—minus, of course, a tyrannical COA (Cliff Owners Association). Out of reach from the predators below, the sure-footed ungulates keep an eye on the operation. If necessary, the crew will apply to FWP for special permits for a two-minute hunting season to keep the rooftop population in check.
Visiting the petting zoo is free of charge, but for a small fee one can also feed the animals: $5 for a handful of oats, $10 to bottle-feed a baby mountain goat, $15 to toss a deer leg to a wolf, and $50 to nudge a hibernating grizzly with a really long stick.
Recently, an MSU sorority, Beta Ghetta Clu, took a house trip to visit the zoo.
Since the bears need to forage through fall in order to fill their bellies for hibernation, they’re allowed three hours per day to graze downtown’s alleys. “They’re getting to know their favorite lunch spots,” says senior editor Lil Bohpiep, cheerfully. “Half-eaten cheesesteak sliders and watermelon salads thrown out from Brigade and Revelry offer plenty of nutrients for a good winter sleep.” Like an ursine shepherd, Bohpiep herself often grazes alongside the bears. “There’s plenty to go around, with all the recreational diners out there these days,” she explains. “Most of them don’t even touch their side dishes. With grocery prices through the roof, it’s a good way to score a cheap meal and bond with my bruin buddies at the same time.”
Already, the endeavor is proving a success. Recently, an MSU sorority, Beta Ghetta Clu, took a house trip to visit the zoo. “I like totally didn’t know that elk ate, like, grass,” said Val Egerl, shaking out her thumb after a five-minute flurry of selfies. Her sorority sister, Dee Ingbat, agreed, as she tussled in the grass with a calf. “I know, right? They’re like so adorable, especially the bison with the nonthreatening horns. I literally want to bring one home!”
NPS officials will continue to assess conditions at the petting zoo, and plan to draft an Interagency Networking Environmental Protection Tactics (INEPT) report to determine funding, capacity limits, and safety precautions. “We’re hoping to have a draft available for committee review in just a few short years,” says spokesperson Bo Vinescat. “If they agree to house bison that are believed to have brucellosis based on a hunch, things might move a lot quicker.”
Learn more and reserve a petting-zoo ticket at bozemanwildlifesanctuary.com
