Face-Off: Mountain vs. Sports Athletes

Muscling for the top spot.

Bozeman may be one of the fittest towns in the country, but not all athletes are created equal. In fact, like other areas with alpine proximity, the Bozone now breeds a new variety: the “elite mountain athlete.” And with their ranks mushrooming of late, entire gyms, fitness programs, and competitive events have popped up to tune them into lean, mean, mountain machines: hard-chargin’ runners, bikers, climbers, and kayakers. But is this new outdoor specimen actually superior to the traditional sports athlete? We’re talkin’ soccer, hockey, volleyball, basketball, and all the other team sports that for decades have transformed scrawny boys and girls into tough, chiseled adults. This spring, we’re facing them off to find out once and for all who’s on top.

Longevity
Our bodies are like tools—the more we use them, the more likely they are to break. In the same way a trail runner can blow her knees out at the ripe old age of 37, the soccer player is likely to tear a hammy or ACL at some point in her career. Eventually, though, all those slide-tackles, body-checks, and twisted ankles tend to add up. It’s rare to see a 60-year-old in a beer-league game—no matter the sport—but you can still find her hoofin’ it up Baldy, pedaling the Chestnut singletrack, or earning her turns on the Ridge.
Edge: Mountain Athlete

In a mountain town like Bozeman, the average gym rat is there to cross-train—hard—for whatever mountaineering expedition, trail run, or multi-pitch climb he or she has planned.

Endurance
In the three and a half hours a football game takes, there’s only 18 minutes of actual playing time. And most of the players are just sitting on the sidelines, anyway. Same goes for hockey—even Wayne Gretzky only played 45-second shifts, at most. We’ll concede that basketball and soccer players are exceptions to the rule, with all their nonstop running, but it’s still small potatoes compared to most major outdoor excursions. Hell, a big trail run can take all day, and long races like the Rut or the Biggie require all-out effort for hours on end. Not to mention the two- or three-day slog to gain a remote summit like Granite Peak. Let’s give it up for those who get after it.
Edge: Mountain Athlete

Attractiveness
Go to the gym in an average American city, and the typical “gym bro” is shaped like a tortilla chip, with wide shoulders, a brawny chest, and skinny little twigs for legs. The “gym bunnies” may be less top-heavy, but their trim physiques seem superficial, gained more through caloric deprivation than actual exertion. In a mountain town like Bozeman, though, the average gym rat is there to cross-train—hard—for whatever mountaineering expedition, trail run, or multi-pitch climb he or she has planned. Not to mention, when the shirts come off, most of them look like Roman sculptures—well-proportioned, with wind-blown hair, tan skin, muscular calves, flat stomachs, and perfect butts. No doubt about it—the mountain athlete is irresistible.
Edge: Mountain Athlete

If you want to make a real living as a professional athlete in America, put away the chalk bag and pick up a ball.

Odor
No one smells good after a workout, indoors or out. After a long practice, jockstraps and hockey socks are gonna smell just as rank as the spandex shorts you wore pedaling up Leverich. So, let’s take things one step down the road: what happens after the activity? The hiker or trail runner can jump in a mountain lake to rinse off and maybe even clean her clothes, but the sports gal heads back to the locker room—where her stank mixes with her teammates’ into a ripe concoction deadly enough to kill an elephant. This category is hardly a competition.
Edge: Mountain Athlete

Career Potential
If you wanna make the big bucks, don’t look to outdoor activities. Sure, Shaun White, Alex Honnold, and Kilian Jornet are all making living wages doing what they love most, but their salaries are modest and inconsistent—at least in comparison to those of professional, organized-sport athletes. Last year, a New York Mets outfielder signed a 15-year, $765 million contract—a record-setting sum, no doubt, but even average players make millions. If you want to make a real living as a professional athlete in America, put away the chalk bag and pick up a ball.
Edge: Sports Athlete

Drug Use
Both sport and mountain athletes are known to use all kinds of stimulants, sedatives, narcotics, and opiates. The key difference though, is that the former is taking them for performance enhancement, while the latter uses them “recreationally.” Being high on the mountain is fair game, whereas a mind-altered basketball player could get kicked out of the game. At the end of the day, neither group should be hailed as a role model. They’re equally as juiced up.
Edge: Tie

Humility
If you run the Ridge and don’t post a couple of selfies and a cute, witty caption on Strava, did it really happen? Many folks around Bozeman would argue that it didn’t. In fact, the social recognition is oftentimes what drives these people to run farther, climb higher, bike an extra Levy lap, or bomb a set of rapids way above one’s pay grade. Sports athletes, on the other hand, are team players. A goal, a touchdown, a basket… it’s a group effort, with the glory shared by all involved. That kind of structure tends to breed humility—in a way that many mountain athletes may never understand.
Edge: Sports Athlete

Score: 4-2
Winner: Mountain Athlete
Well, there you have it, folks. Mountain athletes are in fact superior, in more ways than one. They’re typically hotter, generally fitter, and usually have better endurance—what’s not to love? Sure, they have their vices—drug and beer consumption, questionable hygiene, and a general lack of humility, to name a few—but we all have our faults. And really, who did you expect to win? We’re not saying the competition was rigged, but we just might have a soft spot for mountain athletes. After all, it takes one to know one.