Pillory: Buzz Kill
A long-overdue indictment of motorized mayhem.
They buzz by, propelled by overpowered motors and what seems like a personal vendetta against well-maintained singletrack. They appear out of nowhere, blasting around blind corners, and tearing up climbs like they’re late to an interview or a hot date. Their disregard for posted rules, seasonal closures, trail designations, and basic etiquette is as blatant as the sour smell they leave behind. And if you think we’re just talking about dirt bikers, well then you might be part of the problem.
Because it’s not just about them anymore. It’s all of the motorized users; dirtbikers, electric bikers, and their damn half-breed spawn, the electric dirtbiker. And lately they’ve all blurred into one rule-bending mass of trail degradation and user conflict. The only difference between ’em is how creative they get with their excuses. So let’s break it down, one group at a time, before we throw the whole lot into the stocks.
The old Bozeman is dead. Long live the new Bozeman, where every trail is a free-for-all and even little Johnny’s got a throttle on his strider bike.
Let’s start with the classic dirtbike crowd. Admittedly, you’re not the worst, and we’ve mostly tried to get along. Heck, we’ve even sung your praises in the past—your trail advocacy, your stewardship, your willingness to show up and dig. We respect the hustle.
But that respect only goes so far. Because while most of you know your place, some of you treat every trail like your own personal rally course. You blast by hikers, pepper mountain bikers with loose rock, and rip around corners like you’re filming for freakin’ Nitro Circus! (And we hate to break it to you, pal, but you’re just not that good.) Also, here’s a friendly reminder in case you’d forgotten: motorized vehicles yield to everyone. Not just in theory, but every damn time. No exceptions. Seriously guys, at least pretend to slow down. And speaking of impact: one dirtbike does roughly the damage of ten mountain bikes. Ten! So why don’t we see a proportionate turnout on trail work days, huh? You may not be the worst of the bunch, but you’re still far from innocent. To the pillory you go.
Then there’s the gas-and-battery bastard son: the e-dirtbiker. We know what you’re up to, and you’re not foolin’ anyone with your full-throttle electric motos dressed in e-bike drag. No gas, sure, but also no pretense of respecting an inkling of nonmotorized trail rules. That includes bombing down Peets Hill like it’s a Red Bull Rampage. What’s worse, when you do get called out, you lean on the same tired BS excuses we’ve heard a thousand times before: “It’s electric, man, not gas!” or “It doesn’t make any noise, so what’s the problem?” or “It’s not that kind of motor.” So we’ll make it real simple for you. The harm is erosion, safety, and the basic social contract of shared trail systems. You knew better, but you just chose not to act like it. To the pillory with you, too.
Here’s a friendly reminder in case you’d forgotten: motorized vehicles yield to everyone. Not just in theory, but every damn time.
And now, perhaps the worst offender. The e-biker. For years, we tried to stay neutral. We told ourselves it was a good thing—that more people were getting outside, that older or injured riders could stay in the game. And sure, some of that is true. But you battery boys took that good faith and rode it straight off the buffalo jump. You ride farther, faster, and with more impact than anyone else on the trail, all the while insisting you’re still “just another mountain biker.” Now, thanks to that persistent blurring of boundaries, we’ve got e-motos invading nonmotorized systems. And guess what? They’re just following your lead. You opened the door. You made the case. And now we’re all stuck with the consequences. The trail signage means nothing, the enforcement is nonexistent, and the line between mountain biking and motorcycling has officially vanished. Maybe bringing Grandpa down Leverich on his shiny new e-bike you bought with your REI dividend wasn’t the best idea after all. Oh hell, someone might as well drive a Cybertruck down! Who cares anymore? The old Bozeman is dead. Long live the new Bozeman, where every trail is a free-for-all and even little Johnny’s got a throttle on his strider bike. To the pillory, one and all!
