What your camo says about you.
Camouflage has been a tool of predator and prey since the dawn of time—a way to go unseen, to help obtain a meal or avoid becoming one. Well, those days of primitivity are over; we now live in a world where one wears camo in the hopes of actually being noticed and distinguished from his or her peers. Each style of camo is a signal, telling fellow hunters (and non-hunters walking downtown) which camp we belong in. Of late, we’ve begun to put the patterns together.
Camo “System”
- Social media is replete with dead animals
- Plasters truck with hunting-company stickers
- Would wear camo socks if Sitka or Kuiu sold them
Under Armour Camo
- The guy you want on your side in a fight
- Could’ve gone to the NFL, if he’d “had the grades for it”
- Leaves facepaint on for days after hunting
Army Surplus Camo
- Hunts with a lever-action, open sights
- Thinks hunter orange is for sissies
- Carries a bowie knife on his hip, all the time
Lycra Camo
- Hunting is a spiritual experience
- Only hunter who can touch his toes
- Responds when addressed as spirit animal (Wolf, Hawk, Snake)
Camo PJs
- Thinks about hunting 24/7
- Forgets that he’s in PJs and wears them to the bar
- Rotates in white camo once the snow flies
Homemade Camo
- Stashes a DIY bug-out kit in truck
- Has rigorous training plan, but doesn’t follow it
- Looks forward to the next revolution
Wool Coat & Cap
- Re-loads own ammunition
- Always talks about hunting ethics
- Uses cigar as a scent-blocker
Flannel
- Friends call him “hunting hipster”
- Reads books on stoicism at camp
- Is vegetarian, unless he killed it
Fashion Camo (not designed for hunting)
- Wears camo to blend in with other camo, not with the woods
- Actually would prefer to be seen by animals for safety
- Ironically, sticks out among chosen outdoor sub-group
