A Girl's Guide to BozeMen
Which one to choose from?
Not that we’re into stereotypes. But we challenge you not to wind up cracking a Montucky Cold Snack, sharing a chairlift, or splitting a Gobbler from Dave’s Sushi with one of these dudes. You know the type. And if you don’t… behold our guide.
The Architect
Clean-cut, educated, and sharp, this guy has his act together. Really together. As in you better organize your sock drawer, make sure your toothbrush is color-coordinated to your razor, and alphabetize your magazines, stat.
The Ski Patroller
This guy’s initially charming and carries the potential for free skiing. First date: you make him dinner, and he’ll cover half the groceries. If you go get them. Isn’t that sweet? Wait, are you leaving? He hasn’t even introduced you to his bong yet!
The Co-Op Guy
They’re so cute and healthy, you can’t date just one! (But maybe stick to one at a time.) Plus, they bring home the fancy schmancy groceries. Just make sure to reuse your organic almond-butter jars as glasses and never forget your reusable shopping bags… ever.
The Extremist
It’s so hot how he can paraglide off a cliff / summit Granite Peak in a day / run 60 miles at one time. And he knows it’s hot. Now can you please move, he needs to recalibrate the precise angle of his parachute cord / adjust the level of his heel lift / just run away now (at a normal, mortal pace).
The Engineer
Every year, MSU churns out yet another deliciously nerdy batch of mathematical types eager for feminine companionship after spending the last half-decade in a male-skewed program. All good, until they do that one crucial equation where they realize they can earn more—lots more—outside of Bozeman. Gong.
The Into The Wild Copycat
Fed up with corporate America (The Man), this one, having milked his trust fund dry, vows to live off the land, which feels strangely like he’s living off you—especially on rainy nights. You admire his rugged individualism and ability to repair Carhartts with dental floss. He admires that magic glowing box in your kitchen where food comes from.
The Doctor
Just seeing if you’re paying attention. If you want one, import one. Ditto for lawyers, male masseuses, and cabana boys.
The Zen Dude
Finally, a grounded, centered, positive guy with whom you can connect on a spiritual level, featuring long, soulful hikes and conversations about the big stuff. Except for his girlfriend, who mysteriously failed to come up. Turns out he was just trying to spread his divine love around, and he still feels a cosmic connection with you. Babe, please don’t take my chia seeds.
The Not-So-Straight Guy
In a state as burly as Montana, even girly girls toughen up. So it’s no surprise if you were so overwhelmed by his empathetic nature and sweetness (he’s okay with just snuggling!) that your suspicions didn’t creep in ‘til after you found his scented moisturizer. Oh well, at least you’ve got someone to shop for waffle irons with.
The Outdoor Store Guy
With sweet schedules and access to cool gear, this guy has it figured out (also: quads). He can’t take you out to Blackbird every week, but he will keep you entertained with fun dates born of borrowed rental gear from the shop.
Are these the only types there are in Bozeman? Of course not, Bozewomen—we didn’t even touch real-estate agents. But we’ll leave the rest of the dating and dishing up to you.
