Board Burns

Board Burns

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As the temperatures cool down, the age-old rivalry heats back up: skiers versus snowboarders. Both have an unjustified sense of superiority over the other, and jokes abound about each type. Here’s a short list of some good insults to hurl at members of the opposing camp, whoever they may be.

What’s the difference between a snowboard instructor and a bucket of chicken?
A bucket of chicken can feed a family of four.

What do ski racers use as birth control?
Their personalities.

Where does a telemark skier hide his money from his roommates?
Under the soap.

Why do snowboarders smell?
So blind people can hate them too.

What's the difference between a government bond and a ski bum?
Government bonds will eventually mature and make money.

What’s the difference between a backcountry skier and a vacuum?
Where you mount the dirt bag.

What's the difference between a snowboard instructor and a snowboard student?
Three days and an ego.

If you have a car with three snowboarders in the back seat, what do you call the driver? Officer. 

How many backcountry skiers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to smoke enough pot to make the room spin.

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw in the bulb and four to stand around and say, “Sweet turns, bro!”

How many ski instructors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Ski instructors don’t screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.

How many tele skiers does it take to change a light bulb?
Nobody cares.

Why are most snowboard jokes one-liners?
So skiers can understand them.

What were the skier’s last words?
I think I’ll try snowboarding.

What do you call a ski instructor with no girlfriend/boyfriend?
Homeless.

What did the tele skier say when he ran out of weed?
"Man, these bindings suck!"

Skier A: “Dude, I got these sweet new skis for my girlfriend.”
Skier B: “Nice trade!”

A skier walks into the Pour House and says "Hey, you guys wanna hear a snowboarder joke?" The bartender says, "I'm a snowboarder, the guy on your right is a snowboarder, the guy on your left is a snowboarder, and the guy behind you is a snowboarder." So the skier says, "OK. I'll tell it a little slower then."

Telemark: Norwegian for “Hey guys, wait up!”



Did we miss a classic skier or snowboarder joke? Send it to [email protected].

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