How True Are You?

It’s an admirable title: a true Bozeman girl. After years of careful research, we’ve devised this simple test to see if you qualify as a bona fide Bozeman lady. Each item in the following list gets you one point; add ‘em up and see how you fare.

You’re a true Bozeman girl if…

• You keep your gear in the closet and your clothes in the garage
• Your idea of romance is long walks along the Ridge
• You’ve never been single for more than a month
• You wax your skis more often than your eyebrows
• Your Subaru has more bumper stickers than you have shoes
• You traded in your Subaru for an SUV with more clearance
• You lost your virginity in a tent
• You don’t carry a purse; you carry a backpack or fanny pack
• Your only skin-care product is a tub of Vaseline
• Your idea of a girls’ night out is a ski-movie premier followed by bluegrass at the brewery
• You’d rather camp on the river than stay at a fancy hotel
• You like French fries and pizza more than salad
• Your boyfriend teles—and you care
• You shave your legs less often than your boyfriend shaves his beard
• You won’t date a man who can’t, or won’t, grow a beard in the fall or winter
• Your liberal-arts degree comes in handy at your part-time food-service job; but at least you get to live in Bozeman
• Your nicest necklace is made of hemp
• You’ve lived with eight other girls in a three-bedroom house
• You refuse to date a guy if he doesn’t ski
• You have a dozen recipes for elk
• You’ve been in a tanning booth wearing only ski goggles and Chacos
• You justify your drinking by “sweating out the toxins” at Bikram yoga
• Your idea of shopping is sifting through clearance bins at thrift stores
• You drive a pickup truck
• Your only “heels” are the heel lifts on your backcountry skis
• Your bruises and scars are badges of honor
• You won’t get a pedicure because it would ruin the calluses
• You always buy a pass for one of the local ski hills, even if that means eating Ramen and living in poverty
• Your dog weighs more than you do
• You drink whiskey, usually on the rocks or neat
• You won’t date a man who doesn’t drink whiskey
• You know how to tie on and cast your own flies
• You bait your own hooks with slimy nightcrawlers
• You can change a flat tire on your bike and on your boyfriend’s car
• You don’t buy new clothes because you’re saving up for that new pair of fat powder skis
• Your bike, kayak, and skis are worth more than your car
• You know how to use your transceiver and never go skiing without it
• You keep the sport rack on your car year-round and your kayak on it well into fall
• You never miss an issue of Outside Bozeman 

0-9 points: You’re probably a freshman at MSU who’s only reading O/B because it’s the favorite magazine of the guy you’re crushing on. Keep reading and maybe—just maybe—you’ll grow up to be a True Bozeman Girl who doesn’t read something just to impress a boy.

10-19 points: You’ve been around Bozeman for a few years, but you haven’t found your place yet. You have a ski pass to your home mountain, but haven’t branched out and accepted Bozo as your true home. Jump in with both feet, and before long you’ll be a TBG. 

20 or more points: Look at you, girl! Bozeman is home: it’s where your friends are your family, and you wouldn’t give it up for anything. In one scenario, you’ve been around the world and decided this is the best there is; in the other, you’ve been here for years and don’t trust change. Either way, you’re the ultimate TBG!